So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
