you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
