We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize