Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
