you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
