Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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