No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
