dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
