capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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