Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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