I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
