oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
