Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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