I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize