none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
