she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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