well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
