Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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