You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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