The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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