you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
