Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
