My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize