Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize