I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
