Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
