well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
