We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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