I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize