I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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