Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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