if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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