I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
