just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
