At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's blow job season.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
