i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
