She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
