im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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