Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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