So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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