wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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