come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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