bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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