I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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