i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
