so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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