Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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