How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
God, I missed his penis.
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