it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
