Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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