She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
