enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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