does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
