After last night, I could never be a politician.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
