Well douche your snatch and let's go!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
