she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
