I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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