So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
