so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
