The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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