Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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