I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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