doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
