My hand turned me down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize