the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
50% drunk capacity currently
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
