Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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