I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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