You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
