Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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