I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
