somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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