I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can feel your judgement through the phone
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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