I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
