seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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