I wanna bring you to show and tell
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
