My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
