i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You are the jesus of drinking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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