; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize