So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, he came in my armpit
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
