Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
