I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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