Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
