The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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