How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
