If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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