Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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