Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize