I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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