My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
