so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your penis caused this!
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