Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
