Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize