Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
