shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
