would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
