The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
