The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
