Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
