but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
