last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
