i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
