Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
