I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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