Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
