After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
