Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
