so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize