so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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