you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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