I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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