He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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