you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
