i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
